


What Is Love?

by epicpenguinexplosion



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, L lives, Mentions of PTSD, Nurse OC - Freeform, Original Character(s), Our love interests are stubborn, We've got all the fluff and angst and humor and things, mentions of child abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:15:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24970657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epicpenguinexplosion/pseuds/epicpenguinexplosion
Summary: As a child, Hope was brought to Wammy's House and later started a career as the house nurse. When she starts chiding L for working too hard, the detective throws Hope's own workaholic tendencies back at her. These two childhood friends truly need a vacation, and to perhaps grow closer along the way.
Relationships: L (Death Note)/Original Character(s), L (Death Note)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9





	1. Hope

**Author's Note:**

> So, I've had this story floating around in my head for a while. I finally decided to try getting over my perfectionist nature and just write it already! I'm going to be upfront, this is an L lives story. I've got lots of goodies in store, so I truly hope you enjoy this!

“Darla! For heaven’s sake! Stop right this instant!” 

My pleading fell on deaf ears, and I willed my legs to propel me faster as I chased the rogue 6-year-old through the halls of Wammy’s House. Though the evasive child had short legs, quite frankly, so did I. The black high heels I was wearing made pursuing my patient quite treacherous, and I swore under my breath as I stubbed my toe on the staircase banister. My patience running thin, I narrowed my green eyes as Darla took the steps two at a time, a rather surprising feat for the small child. Recovering quickly from my rather painful toe stub, I followed as quickly as I could without breaking my neck.

“I mean it, Darla! Honestly, all of this over a little shot? It’s just a tiny pinch, I assure you!”

Darla came to a halt as I finally made it up the stairs, her curly blonde hair bouncing slightly as she turned to face me. For every step I took forward, she took one back, so I ceased my advancement. At least she’d stopped, for now. As she stared up at me with fearful blue eyes, her lips forming into a pout, I had to admit I felt sorry for her. 

“But Miss Hope, I haaaate needles! They’re so scary!”

I let out a sigh, taking a tentative step towards the frightened child. “I know, honey. When I was your age, I was scared of needles, too. But, you know what? I learned to be super brave, and I know you can, too.” I finished, taking another step towards her. 

Thankfully, Darla remained in place, her shoulders seeming to relax a bit. “Really? You think I can be brave like you?” 

Finally reaching her, I knelt down to her level, a kind smile gracing my lips. “Of course you can! I have the utmost faith in you. If you can agree to be a super brave girl for me, maybe I can even get Chef Katie to whip up a pie for you!”

As Darla’s eyes lit up at the prospect of her favorite treat, said chef emerged from her quarters, her door being the third to the right. She approached us with an amused grin, her wild red hair contrasting greatly with her solid white chef’s coat. 

“Bribery will get you everywhere with this one. Good call, Hope! Though, I’m not sure how I feel about you dragging me into it so easily,” she teased good-naturedly.

I rolled my eyes affectionately with a shake of my head. “As if I even have to drag you into it. You’re always supplying the little ones with all sorts of sweets! I’m a nurse, not a dentist! What am I going to do if the kids start getting cavities?”

“Refer them to L’s dentist. Sugar is all that guy eats, and his teeth are perfect! Even if the kids do get a cavity or two, a little drilling never hurt anyone!”

I almost smiled at the mention of our friend L, before my eyes widened in alarm. We’d just gotten Darla semi-okay with getting a shot! Now Katie had to go and mention drilling teeth!? I held my breath and chanced a glance over at the 6-year-old. The poor child looked like a deer in headlights, her hands moving to grip the front of her frilly dress nervously. 

“D-Drilling?” she gulped.

My loudmouthed best friend seemed to realize she had said something wrong upon seeing the look on my face. I frowned and conveyed what I hoped was a meaningful look, imploring her with my eyes to remedy the situation. All I needed was to give Darla one measly shot to ensure she was up to date on her immunizations. No one was making my job easy today. 

Katie laughed nervously, running a hand through her hair. “Well, yeah! But, the drilling isn’t that bad! You just open your mouth wide, and they’ll give you a few shots to numb you right up! You won’t feel a thing after that!”

As Darla screamed bloody murder right into my ear, all I could think was that I wanted nothing more than to stitch Katie’s mouth shut. 

With that, my little blonde patient ran right past me, barrelling down the stairs the way she came. I groaned loudly and glared daggers at my childhood friend. 

“Really, Katie!? Now she’s traumatized!” I sputtered. 

“I’m sorry! You know I word vomit when I get nervous!”

“More like all of the time! Ugh, never mind that! You’re helping me catch Darla!” 

With that, I stood up, turned on my heel, and hauled ass down the stairs. I had a ton of work to do, and my patience had nearly run out. Being the only nurse in an orphanage full of children and live in staff was more than a full time job. Even so, I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I realized too late that I should have probably been focused on watching where I was going, instead of getting distracted by thoughts of all of the impending work I had to do. I was on the last few stairs when my ankle twisted painfully. Time seemed to move in slow motion as I let out a yelp and went tumbling down the steps. I squeezed my eyes shut, bracing myself for an excruciating impact, and possibly a few broken bones. 

Said impact never came. Instead, my fall was broken by something softer than the cold ground, but sturdy all the same. I let out a surprised “Oof!” as my face smacked against what felt like a body. My suspicion was confirmed as thin but strong arms supported my shoulders, steadying me.   
I stood there frozen for a moment, eyes still squeezed shut, as I came to an embarrassing realization. I had a very strong suspicion as to who my saviour was, and I very much wished to be wrong.

‘Could it be who I think it is? Shit! He’s supposed to be off on some case!’ I panicked inwardly. 

Finally working up the courage to open my eyes, I slowly craned my head back to look up at none other than L, the world’s greatest detective. His dark gray eyes were wide with concern, and in that moment I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me whole. 

“Greetings, Hope. Is this the part where I make a silly joke about you falling for me?” he quipped. 

I was vaguely aware of Katie gigglesnorting behind me as I jumped away from L in embarrassment, my face heating up. I chalked up my mortification to the fact that the detective in front of me was one of the most highly respected people in the world, and I simply didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of him because of that. I refused to acknowledge any other potential reasons. 

“Ha. Very funny, L. Anyway, I appreciate you catching me. I think my life flashed before my eyes for a moment there!”

Coming down the remaining stairs, Katie joined us and gave L a quick pat on the back. “Seriously! Those are some damn good reflexes you got there. What would we do if Wammy’s only nurse was in a full body cast?”

L put a finger to his lips, pretending to think for a moment. “Things would certainly be less lively around here. What, with Hope chasing around small children and all.”

The detective peeked down and to the side at that moment, and it was only when I followed his gaze that I noticed Darla cowering behind him in fear. My heart ached for the child. I knew what it was like to fear needles, and medical treatment in general. I had been around her age when it happened. I had been in the hospital for what felt like months. Maybe it had been. Who knows? My time before Wammy’s House was a bit of a blur, and I preferred to keep it that way.

“...running away from you, anyway?”

My head snapped up in attention, having completely zoned out for a moment. “I’m sorry, L. What was that?” 

“I asked why Darla was running away from you. The children are always chattering about how excited they are to see ‘Miss Hope.’”

My eyes widened a bit at that information, a smile lighting up my face. I liked to think I had a good rapport with all of the children, but hearing it so easily from someone else, especially someone like L, filled my heart with joy. “They probably just say that because seeing me gets them out of class,” I grinned, before putting my hands on my hips and giving Darla a look. “This little one is terrified of needles, and it’s time to update her immunizations. I was finally making some progress with her before Katie over here started yammering about drilling teeth and shots in the mouth.”

Darla whimpered from her spot behind L, shaking her head wildly. “You’ll never give me a shot in the mouth! Never ever!!”

It was then that Katie spoke up. “You’re right, chickadee! Hope doesn’t give those kinds of shots, so you’ll never have to worry about that. She just needs to give you a little shot in the arm. It’ll be over before you know it!”

The 6-year-old looked up at Katie with wide, innocent eyes. Smirking, I noticed the redhead gulp. Darla wanted something, and those eyes could melt even the coldest of hearts. 

“Chef Katie, will you please hold my hand while I get the shot?”

The redhead groaned, an apologetic look on her face. “I really wish I could, but I’m already late for my shift! I need to start preparing for the lunch rush, or everyone’s going to throw a hissy fit. I’ll tell you what. I’ll go ahead and whip up that pie for you, but you only get to eat some if you’re a big girl for Hope!”

Without waiting for a response, she patted the child on the head and turned on her heel, stalking off towards the kitchen. Judging by her quick exit, I could only assume she would have ditched her shift had the 6-year-old given her another dose of puppy eyes.

“I have an idea!” I chimed in, clapping my hands together and glancing between L and Darla. “L, why don’t you hold Darla’s hand? I need you in my office soon, anyway. Gotta make sure you haven’t gone and developed diabetes on me.” 

L shot me an unamused look. “As if. Have you seen me?” He gestured towards himself, as if his thin frame would prove his point.

I put my hands on my hips in response, lifting my chin up defiantly, a smirk gracing my lips. “I wouldn’t argue if I were you. Have you forgotten who my best friend is? If I fear for your health, I can easily tell Katie to cut off your supply of fresh sweets.” 

The detective took a step closer, hands in his pockets, fixing me with a level stare. His slouched posture meant his face was fairly close to mine, and I ignored the heat rising to my cheeks as we stared each other down. For how mysterious and secretive the man in front of me was, I’d certainly learned one thing about him over the years. He was incredibly stubborn. Unfortunately for him, so was I. 

“You wouldn’t.”

My smirk then bloomed into a full blown grin. “Try me, detective.” 

Knowing I wouldn’t hesitate to follow through with my threat, L wisely backed off with a sigh. I felt myself relax slightly as he retreated, and inwardly scolded myself. Why did he make me so nervous? It wasn’t as if L was intimidating, at least appearance wise. I couldn’t really blame it on his intelligence, either. Wammy’s was a home for the gifted, for heaven’s sake. There were plenty of geniuses around, but no one else made me feel so tense. 

Though, I didn’t find any of the other residents or staff members attractive, either.

‘Nope. Stop it. Not going there,’ I thought.

“Miss Hope! Yoohoo!” came a high-pitched voice.

Having completely zoned out, I looked up to see Darla waving at me from down the hall, L standing next to her. Overthinking things could wait. For now, I had work to do.

The three of us were soon in my office, and I looked through my paperwork before quickly setting out to ready my needle. Poor Darla was obviously nervous, and I watched from the corner of my eye as L settled onto the exam table, pulling the child onto his lap. I couldn’t help but smile a little at that. The detective took one of her tiny hands in his, a very serious look on his face. “Darla, remember to keep your eye on the prize: the most delicious pie you’ve ever tasted. This little pinch will be more than worth it, I assure you.”

“You really mean it? It’ll really just be a little pinch? And the pie will be that delicious?” Darla asked innocently.

L glanced at me and gave me a meaningful look, motioning with his head to come closer. I realized that he was trying to distract the child with promises of glorious sweets being in her future, and my smile only grew. Grabbing an alcohol wipe, I cleaned the area I planned to stick, and I noticed the detective squeeze the girl’s hand a little as he continued their conversation.

“Absolutely. You know that sugary confections are my favorite, and Kate makes the best treats of them all. I can already taste it. You will share with me, won’t you? I did hold your hand through your shot, after all.”

“Of course I’ll share with you! I’m still really scared to get this shot, though,” Darla whined.

“Actually, you’re already done! You were amazing!” I exclaimed, disposing of my needle in the nearby sharps container before placing a small bandage on the puncture site.

“Wowie! I barely felt anything!”

A gigglesnort escaped me as Darla kept looking between me and the bandage on her arm in wonder. She hopped off of L’s lap, and he immediately brought his legs up to sit in his usual crouching position. I shook my head at his typical odd behavior before I ruffled Darla’s curly blonde hair affectionately.

“I told you so, silly! Surely this means you won’t make me run a marathon if I ever need to poke you again, right?”

The child grinned sheepishly at that, rubbing the back of her neck shyly. 

“Hehe! Right!” Darla then turned towards L, grin never leaving her face. “Thanks for holding my hand, Uncle L! I’m going to go tell Chef Katie how brave I was!”

With that, Darla scampered out of the room excitedly, sure to hold said chef to her promise of pie. I put her file away, and decided to make some small talk while I set out to find the detective’s file. 

“So Uncle L, huh?”

I heard a soft snort behind me. “It seems the little one has a title for everyone. There’s Uncle Matt, Uncle Mello, and even Grandpa Wammy,” he replied, a hint of amusement coloring his tone.

“Speaking of Watari, where is he? I didn’t see him come in with you.”

“He was outside helping Roger unload the car. On the way back from the airport, he mentioned something about checking in on today’s classes. I assume he’s doing that now.”

I hummed in response as I found the file I was looking for. Brushing some stray stands of my light brown hair out of my eyes, I read over the file quickly before grabbing a pen. 

“I’ll have to find him and say hello later on. You guys are back from your case earlier than I expected. Your dark circles also seem to have faded a bit. Does that mean you’ve been getting more sleep?” I asked hopefully. 

The detective nodded his affirmative. “Indeed. I’ve been averaging 3 hours a night.”

Nearly dropping the pen I was holding, I gaped at him and tried to keep my jaw off the ground. How could he say something like that as if it were no big deal? Sometimes it was hard to believe the man in front of me was even human. 

“That’s it!? Damn it, L! I told you to quit working so hard and to make an effort to get more rest! Take a vacation or something!” I screeched. Screw professionalism. 

He actually let out a full blown laugh at that, and I briefly considered grabbing a clipboard and chucking it at his head. “Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black? Tell me, Hope. When was the last time you took a vacation?”

I deflated at that and looked away stubbornly. The medical posters lining the walls of my office had never looked more interesting. 

“Pretending to read about ‘condoms and you’ won’t suddenly make my question vanish.”

My eyes nearly bugged out of my head and heat rose to my cheeks as my eyes actually focused in on the poster in front of me. Indeed, the poster I’d chosen to stare blankly at was a sex education piece. I was certainly batting a thousand when it came to making an utter fool of myself. 

“Fine. I’ve never taken a vacation either, so it looks like we’re even,” I turned back to face him then, crossing my arms in front of my chest. “But, I’m Wammy’s only nurse. What if one of the children fell seriously ill while I was away? They need me here.”

The detective let a little grin slip at that, probably because he felt my admission meant he was right. I ignored the fluttering that grin made me feel in my chest as I listened to his following words.

“I could say the same about the nature of my profession. There is no shortage of crime, Hope. There will always be a case that must be solved. There will always be criminals that must be brought to justice. Even if I wanted to take a vacation, I couldn’t. L can’t afford to take vacations.”

“Sure he can. You’re rich, L.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

Of course I knew, but at the moment, I simply felt like being petty. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and willed myself not to get too emotional. I had known L since I first came to Wammy’s House as a child. He had always been a loner, and back then I had immediately found myself wanting to get to know him better. It had taken a little while, but eventually, we became friends. Every time he left on a case, I would look upon the stars and wish for his safety. I worried about the man in front of me on a daily basis. I told myself it was because I had to. L clearly had little regard for his own wellbeing. Sure, he protected his identity, but it was common for him to provoke and antagonize criminals. Not to mention the fact that his diet consisted of little besides sugar and tea. 

I was eternally grateful to Watari for many things, particularly for finding me and bringing me to Wammy’s House, and for looking after L when I couldn’t. But ultimately, he was in on some of L’s more questionable behaviors, and even encouraged them at times. 

The reason I hounded him, lectured him, and worried so much was because I felt a personal obligation as his friend. Most of the other residents of Wammy’s House either had never gotten close enough to the detective to even know about these things, or those who had felt it wasn’t their place to say anything. If I didn’t fret over L, who would?

Shaking my head in an attempt to clear it, I simply gave the detective a small smile. “I know, I know. Looks like we’re both hopeless, hm?”

He responded with his own little smile, his eyes seeming to soften a bit as he nodded. “So it would seem.”

The resulting silence was deafening, and for some reason the atmosphere suddenly felt weird. I looked away and cleared my throat awkwardly before busying myself with L’s file again. I made a note of what he’d mentioned regarding his sleeping habits before looking up at him again. 

“Have you been taking the daily multivitamin I recommended?”

“Yes.”

“How are your energy levels? Your last blood draw showed you as still being slightly anemic.”

“Fine. I’m sure the fact that I’ve been getting more sleep as of late helps with that.”

Making a show of rolling my eyes, I scribbled down some notes as I spoke. “3 hours a night hardly qualifies as decent rest, but whatever. It’s been about 6 months, so I’m going to draw more blood to check your levels. I would also like to give you a B12 injection, just in case.”

“You worry too much.”

“I’m your friend and nurse. Worrying about you is in my job description.”

Having nothing to say to that, L kept quiet as I readied my supplies. I asked him to roll up the sleeve of his usual long-sleeved white shirt, and I tied a tourniquet around his arm. Though I was only 21, I had become a nurse at the young age of 18 due to excelling in my studies, and therefore had years of practice. As such, the blood draw went quickly and the rest of the exam was pretty routine, including the B12 injection. I discarded my gloves and washed my hands before turning back to the detective, hands on my hips.

“All right, the exam is finished. I’ll let you know when the results of your blood test are in, and we can discuss them. For now, I would like you to continue taking your multivitamin. I’d tell you to broaden your diet, but I’m aware that hell won’t be freezing over any time soon.”

The detective made a show of feigning a hurt expression, and I resisted the urge to smirk at his antics. “Are you this snarky with all of your patients?”

“Only the difficult ones,” I replied without missing a beat.

“You wound me.”

I stuck my tongue out at him childishly before continuing. “On top of taking your multivitamin, I recommend going outside and getting some sun for at least 15 minutes a day. And please, for goodness sake, at least try to get more sleep. Take short power naps throughout the day if you have to. I know you’re only 23 and in good health, but we must take care of ourselves even while we’re young. Issues build up over time, you know.”

It seemed that the detective took me seriously, as he had patiently listened to my entire spiel before nodding and hopping off the exam table. 

“Got it. I can’t make any promises regarding my sleeping habits, but I’ll see about making an attempt. Am I free to go?”

“You sure are. If you end up thinking of any questions or concerns, come and find me. I’ll be here,” I dismissed, turning around and thumbing through my filing cabinet.

“Will do. Oh, and Hope?”

I paused what I was doing and glanced back at him, raising an inquisitive eyebrow. “Hm?”

“Try not to work too hard.”

“I can’t make any promises regarding that, but I’ll see about making an attempt.” I couldn’t help but grin goodnaturedly as I threw his earlier words back at him. 

L made a show of rolling his eyes and shaking his head before shuffling out of the office, leaving me alone with my thoughts and a mountain of work. I had to make sure all of my records were in order, and figure out which children still needed their immunizations updated. 

Being the only nurse in an orphanage full of geniuses and live in staff sure was tiring, but I definitely wouldn’t have it any other way. With that thought in mind, I got back to work.


	2. Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Contains mentions of abusive relationships, PTSD, and non-graphic mention of violence.

_“TRISTA HUGHES!! Explain this grade right now!”_

_I flinched at the sound of my mother’s angry voice, looking down at my feet in utter shame. Fat tears rolled down my cheeks as I tried to control the shuddering of my shoulders. Crying would only ignite her anger even further, but I simply couldn’t help it. Her rage terrified me._

_“I… I’m sorry, Mum! I’m so ashamed!”_

_“Look at me!” she demanded, and I slowly raised my head to meet her furious gaze. “Trista, I helped you study for this spelling test all week, and you come home with a B!? Are you spending too much time with your friends!?”_

_I felt anger bubble up within me, but didn’t dare say anything. Of course I wasn’t spending too much time with my friends. My only friend was Katie, and mother rarely let me see her outside of school. Sometimes a ‘B’ was the best I could manage, even putting in all of my effort. It was tough trying to be so perfect._

_“No, that’s not it! I… I’ve had a lot on my mind! I’m sorry! I must have been distracted!”_

_“What does a 7-year-old have to be distracted about? You’ll never amount to anything with marks like this!”_

_No longer able to endure the hatred in her eyes, my gaze once again lowered to my feet. All I wanted was to make Mum proud, and once again I had failed. Why was I such a failure? Why was I never good enough?_

_“I’ll do better next time, I promise! Please forgive me!”_

_The scene in front of me changed abruptly, and I then found myself in my childhood bedroom. How strange, I didn’t remember how I got there. It was nighttime, and suddenly I heard booming, furious voices coming from the other side of my bedroom door. Recognizing the voices as Mum and Dad, I curled up under the covers and clutched my stuffed bunny, Flopsy._

_“Why are you such a bitch, Daisy!?” I heard Dad roar._

_“You’d be a bitch too if your husband was never home! I’m lonely, Simon! You’re married to your job, not me! Or have you been out shagging that bloody slag next door again!?”_

_“You and I both know we only got married because you got knocked up! We’re in a loveless marriage, and there’s no benefit! What am I supposed to do when you won’t even put out after I’ve been working my ass off all week!? Not to mention the way you treat myself and our daughter!”_

_“Trista needs to be pushed if she wants to succeed! Do you want her to end up like us!? Broke and miserable!?”_

_“Constantly yelling at her and putting her down is not the way to go about it! You treat her like a bloody slave! Let her be a kid!”_

_Clutching Flopsy in one hand, I used my other hand to grab my pillow and hold it over my head. I wished that the fighting would stop, and that Mum and Dad could be happy. Was I even happy? I felt a sense of calmness whenever a day went by with no screaming. Was that happiness?_

_A loud crash came from outside my bedroom, and I yelped in fear, clinging to Flopsy even tighter. This fight was especially bad. They were throwing things again. I idly wondered how many dishes would have to be replaced this time before the scene changed yet again, and I was in the backseat of a car._

_Once again, it was nighttime. We were on a dual carriageway, and I was unsure as to where we were headed. Dad was at the wheel, and Mum was prattling on about how he should be making more money._

_“Honestly, don’t be such a lazy sod. Take on a second job if you have to,” she said casually, as if she were talking about the weather._

_I internally rolled my eyes at her typical rude behavior, but let nothing show outwardly. That would be supremely stupid, and I would rather not be screamed at. I held my breath, wondering how my father would react to her insult._

_What I absolutely did not expect to hear was a calm, almost cheerful “Yes, dear.”_

_Seemingly not knowing how to react to that, she kept quiet. I felt a sense of calm come over me as I realized that at least for now, there would be no argument. That is, until I heard the panicked sound of Mum’s voice._

_“Simon! What are you doing!? STOP!”_

_Though it was likely only a second, time seemed to move in slow motion as I looked up and realized we had crossed the double white lines and drifted into oncoming traffic. My eyes widened in horror as a pair of headlights raced towards us, and I let out a terrified scream before my world went black._

My eyes shot open, my mouth wide in a silent scream as I stared up at the ceiling. Breathing heavily, I lay still for a moment as I realized where I was and what had just happened. I was in my bedroom at Wammy’s House. It had been a dream. Well, not quite a dream. It would seem that my subconscious had decided to torment me with painful memories of my childhood as I slept. I turned onto my side and curled up further into the blankets as I shuddered at the memory that had jolted me awake. It wasn’t the first time this had happened, either. The flashbacks to that particular moment had taunted me for years, often interrupting my sleep as it just had. 

I had only been about 8-years-old when my father deliberately drove our family vehicle into oncoming traffic, intending to kill all three of us. My parents were killed instantly. I had been severely injured, though I thankfully made a full recovery. Unfortunately, I was not the only one left to pick up the pieces. After the accident, I learned through the news that the occupants of the other vehicle had been a mother with a child about my age. Both had been killed, leaving behind a grieving father. I tried not to think about that too much. The guilt and sorrow I felt was simply too overwhelming.

Much of my childhood before I came to Wammy’s House was a blur. I’d come to the conclusion that it was partly due to how young I had been when everything went down, and partly because I’d probably blocked some things out. But when memories did surface, they smacked me in the face.

I sighed and turned to look at the clock on my bedside table. It was only 3:47 a.m., but I was now wide awake and experience told me I wouldn’t be getting back to sleep. The last thing I wanted to do was toss and turn with my brain refusing to turn off, so I got out of bed and headed to my ensuite. Time to shower and do what I always did when I was trying not to think about things: throw myself into work.

After I stepped out of the shower, I towel dried my wavy light brown hair and threw it up into its usual half-up, half-down look. I brushed my teeth and did my usual routine before heading to my closet and looking through my work clothes. Though most nurses tended to wear scrubs, I always opted for business casual attire. There was no need for scrubs while working at a place like Wammy’s House, at least in my opinion. 

I eventually decided on a green shirt paired with a maroon cardigan, dark slacks, and my black heels. Sure, heels weren’t the most comfortable, but I was only 5’1” without them. It was embarrassing when some of the children I was taking care of were taller than me. 

Another glance at the clock told me it was now 4:23 a.m. It was unlikely that any of the live in staff would even be up yet, so I made sure not to make too much noise as I grabbed a medical textbook and made my way downstairs. Might as well get some studying in while I drank my morning coffee. With how little I’d slept, surely I would need plenty of caffeine. 

Making it to the spacious resident kitchen, I set about preparing my coffee while singing lightly under my breath. 

_“Oh, well imagine as I’m pacing the pews in a church corridor. And I can’t help but to hear. No, I can’t help but to hear an exchanging of words…”_

I started dancing rather badly, moving my hips and swaying my arms like some kind of inflatable tube man as I made my way across the kitchen to grab some hazelnut creamer. Randomly breaking into song and dance had always made me feel happy and at ease, even if I sucked royally. 

_“What a beautiful wedding! What a beautiful wedding said a bridesmaid to a waiter. And yes, but what a shame. What a shame the poor groom’s bride is a EEEEEP!!”_

I shrieked and nearly dropped the creamer I was bringing back to the fridge as I turned around and found I was not alone in the kitchen. 

“Woah, girl! Calm down! It’s only me!” Katie whisper-yelled at me, throwing her hands up in front of her.

Putting my hand over my heart, I took a deep breath and tried to calm down from the scare. I wordlessly put the creamer back before turning back around to face my red-headed best friend.

“Why in the world didn’t you tell me you were there? You nearly gave me a heart attack!”

“You know I think your impromptu performances are hilarious!” She defended, as if that explained everything and made it okay. I simply rolled my eyes at her and went to go stir my coffee.

“Glad I could entertain you,” I muttered, setting my spoon aside and grasping my coffee mug with both hands. I brought the mug to my lips and closed my eyes as I took the first sip, letting the warmth rush through me. There really were few things better than the first sip of coffee in the morning. Opening my eyes to look at Katie once more, I continued. “What are you doing up, anyway? The morning shift doesn’t usually begin this early.”

Katie stood beside me and began preparing her own cup of coffee. “Darla was so enamored with her pie the other day that she begged me to make donuts for breakfast. It’s a process, so I’m starting my shift early. I could ask you the same thing!”

Glancing over at the medical textbook I’d brought downstairs with me, I lied, “Oh, you know. Just wanted to get some studying in. A healthcare professional should never stop educating themselves.”

The redhead pursed her lips and put a hand on her hip. “Seriously, lying isn’t one of your strong points. You expect me to believe you got up at…” she glanced at the stove’s digital clock, “...4:30 in the morning to study? Four hours before your shift starts? When you study every night after dinner?”

I looked down at my feet with a sigh, clutching my coffee closer. I jumped slightly when I felt Katie’s hand on my shoulder. Glancing over at her, my heart constricted at the kind, yet concerned look she was giving me. We’d known each other since before I even came to Wammy’s House. She was one of the few people from my old life that I still associated with. There was no point in denying it. She knew what was up.

“....I had another nightmare. Well, a flashback. I don’t even know. Mum was telling me how much of a fuckup I was, as usual. Her and Dad were fighting, as usual. I hated my life, as usual. For the first time in a while, we were in the car again. The headlights were getting closer and closer, and then I woke up.”

What happened clearly had a profound effect on me, yet I spoke the words so matter-of-factly. The memories were painful, but I was used to it. On the rare occasions I opened up to others about my past, I couldn’t help but notice the looks of pity and shock I received. Pity, for the obvious reasons. I assumed the shock was partially due to how easily I spoke about everything. 

“Oh, Tr- Hope. I’m sorry. I wish I could have helped you. I wish I could go back and slap some sense into your parents.”

I didn’t miss the way Katie almost called me by my real name. Though, I couldn’t fault her for it. Up until I came to Wammy’s House after the crash, I had been known as Trista Hughes. My birth name literally translated to “heart full of sorrows.” Though I knew I would likely never become a detective like many of the kids here, I still adopted an alias. Most people only knew me as “Hope.” It had been a bit of an adjustment for Katie, but she usually opted for nicknames like “girlfriend” and “chica”, anyway.

Shaking my head with a smile, I said, “There was nothing you could have done. We were so young. You being there for me through it all and up until now has helped me more than you know.”

“Of course. I’ll always be here for you! You’ve also been a huge help to me, you know. I still can’t believe you scored me a job here. I never dreamed I’d be working in such a swanky place!” she exclaimed before taking a sip of her own coffee.

“Oh, please! I only threw your name out there. It was your unrivaled culinary skills that landed you the gig. You know how picky these kids are.”

Katie chuckled at that. “Believe me, I sure do. But, seriously… I love you, girl. I’m worried about you. I know you’re a hard worker and a perfectionist, largely due to how strict your mum was, but it’s okay to let loose sometimes.”

“Did you not just see me letting loose with my killer dance moves?”

The redhead raised an eyebrow at me with a smirk. “Hmm, deflection. Your loverboy detective is rubbing off on you!”

I just so happened to be taking a sip of coffee at that moment, and nearly choked at her comment. After taking a moment to cough and slap my hand against my chest violently, I shot Katie an incredulous look. 

“Loverboy!?”

“Oh, _come on._ You and L are always engaging in some kind of nerdy flirting. A while back, you even admitted you like him!”

“Can you be any louder!?” I hissed. “I never said I like him! I said he’s nice to look at. That doesn’t make him my… my _loverboy!_ We’re just friends, and that’s all we’ll ever be.”

Before Katie could respond, a familiar voice rang out as a figure entered the kitchen.

“Oh, my! Did I show up at a bad time?”

I was both relieved and a little nervous as Watari appeared before us. I could only hope that he hadn’t heard much of our conversation, though I doubt he’d do anything about it if he had. Watari wasn’t one for gossip.

“Not at all, Watari! Katie was actually on her way to go make donuts,” I said, narrowing my eyes at the chef.

Katie clicked her tongue with a shake of her head, but thankfully didn’t argue. “Fine, fine. I can take a hint. But, this isn’t over!” she exclaimed, pointing a finger at me before grabbing her coffee and heading into the staff kitchen. 

I loved Katie. Truly, I did. She was my best friend, but man could she be a busybody! The woman was always trying to hook me up with different guys, and she kept coming back to L. Yes, L and I had been friends since not long after I came to Wammy’s. Yes, he was the most intelligent man I knew, and would probably ever know. Unassumingly sexy? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. And, he was actually pretty sweet once you got to know him. Oh, and don’t even get me started on-

I was broken out of my thoughts by someone clearing their throat. 

_‘Oh, yeah. Watari. Oops. How long was I zoning out for?’_

Rubbing the back of my neck awkwardly, I faced the man I’d come to see as something of a father figure. “Heh, sorry, Watari. The coffee hasn’t kicked in yet. I’d ask why you’re up so early, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen you sleep.”

“Justice never sleeps,” he quipped, before suddenly turning serious. “Truth be told, that’s actually what I’d like to speak with you about.”

I tilted my head, curiosity piqued, though I had a feeling I already knew what this was about. 

“Are you referring to L?”

“Indeed. The lad hasn’t slept in almost 3 days. When I questioned him, he simply stated that he is bored and is taking on any cases he is presented with to alleviate it. I believe that just in the last 3 days alone, he’s solved 27 cases.”

All at once, I felt a plethora of different emotions, including shock and anger. What had I _just_ been talking to that stubborn detective about a few days ago!? I told him to quit working so hard and get some damn rest.

“3 days!? I can’t believe I didn’t notice! Has he really been holed up in his office for that long? Hell no. I’m going to give him a piece of my mind,” I huffed, coffee forgotten. I spun on my heel, fully intending to march up to L’s office and knock his ass out cold if I had to.

I didn’t get very far before Watari gently caught my wrist.

“Not so fast, missy.”

Watari released me from his grasp and crossed his arms over his chest, gazing at me sternly. I could just _feel_ the scolding that was about to come my way, and I pouted. At least Watari was reasonable. Not once had the older man instilled fear in me as my parents had. If anything, I was simply afraid of disappointing him. 

“What is it? You’re looking at me like I just stole someone’s lunch money.”

“You wonder why you haven’t noticed L’s absence? With all due respect, Hope, you’re blind to the fact that you’re just as bad as he is.”

My eyes nearly bugged out of my head, and I immediately tensed at the accusation. “Really? You can’t be serious! I don’t stay up for days on end. I’ll grant you that I’m very dedicated to my job, but-” 

“You _are_ dedicated. It’s wonderful that you take your work so seriously. That’s why I could never have asked for a better nurse to look after these children. And, you’re right. You don’t stay up for days. But, you do work long hours. Your shift begins at 8:30 and ends at 5:30. Then, you have dinner and immediately dive into a new medical textbook. I’ve caught you reading medical texts _while_ eating dinner.” 

Eyeing the medical textbook still sitting on the counter, I groaned. 

“I… just want to educate myself further. Everyone here means the world to me, and I have a responsibility to care for them. I want to be the best nurse I can be. As long as there’s more to learn, I need to study. I need to be better.” I winced at my own words, belatedly realizing how obsessive that sounded. 

Rather than scolding me further, Watari simply gave a gentle smile. He moved to step in front of me, and put a caring hand on my shoulder. 

“Hope, we are not your parents. You have nothing to prove to us.”

Those simple words suddenly had me taking a shuddering breath, and I cursed inwardly as I felt tears well up in my eyes. I was grateful for his words, and I knew he was right. Unfortunately, it wasn’t that simple for me. My childhood had left quite a mark on me, and I feared I would always feel like I had something to prove. Maybe not to anyone else, but to myself. I’d felt like such a failure growing up, like no matter what I did, it would never be enough. I never wanted to feel that way ever again.

I would educate myself as much as I could, become the best nurse I could be. I was determined to never let a case stump me, and especially to never lose a patient. To do that, I had to keep pushing myself. I knew that Watari was just being a concerned father figure, and I appreciated him tremendously for it. Not wanting to worry him further, I simply hugged him gratefully, which he returned. It was nice to feel some kind of parental love. What would myself and the rest of the children here have done without him?

He pulled away and nodded towards my medical textbook. 

“Put that away for now. It’s still early. Why don’t you try getting some more sleep before your shift starts?”

“But, L-”

“This is nothing new for L, and he’ll likely crash and sleep for 12 hours soon. You can lecture him later if you still see fit, but for now, I want you to take care of yourself.”

Knowing I couldn’t argue, I relented with a sigh.  
“I don’t like it, but fine. You better tell him to expect an earful from me. On second thought, don’t. He’ll just avoid me.” I muttered.

Watari nodded with a chuckle, before telling me he was going to check on how Katie was coming along with preparing for breakfast. The older man took his leave, and I grabbed my medical textbook before heading back up to my room. 

My mind was still racing, so I decided to go over my daily to-do list before getting another hour or two of sleep in. Unfortunately for me, the caffeine was beginning to kick in, and I quickly thought of more things to add to the already long list of things I had to accomplish. 

I didn’t end up getting more sleep in. If only I’d known how much that’d come back to bite me later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Hope hasn't exactly had it easy. I hope I'm depicting things in a realistic way! Poor girl doesn't have great coping skills. Sounds like someone else we know... I hope you enjoyed! Comments are appreciated. :)


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